Friday, December 03, 2010

Four reasons why people think I'm crazy

Sometimes I get the impression that people think I'm crazy. It took me a while to work out why. But I eventually came up with four reasons why people might assume I've got a screw loose. So here they are.

#1 I talk to myself
And sometimes sing to myself. In public. Which for some people is a sign of insanity. Sometimes I'm not alone, but that means I look like I'm singing at someone, which is worse. And if I happen to be with friends who are also singing, well, that's just insane. I've had people walk away.

This habit is probably the sole reason I want children. Compare:


And you get the idea why.

#2 I have no spatial awareness
This means that I'm constantly tripping over, walking into things and falling into the road. Once I was walking along a street with knee high bollards along the side of the path. I walked into the first one. And then the second. And the third. And I wasn't even drunk. In fact, I've never been drunk. And this is probably why. This, combined with reason one also means that I publicly announce my stupidity.

To make it worse, I've also worked out that often it's just easier to let yourself fall instead of trying to stop it and causing more pain and/or embarrassment. But sometimes this means I crumple to the ground for no reason whatsoever. I once left a building and didn't realise there was a small step between the door and the pavement. I thought I was falling. So I fell to the ground into the foetal position. Embarrassing.

#3 Insects cause me to freak out
If I see an insect, I try to kill it. I wave my arms around as if I'm having some bizarre seizure, whilst screaming 'DIE, YOU CREATURE OF SATAN!' while I'm trying to kill it. But, because of my lack of hand-eye coordination, I always fail to do so. I then realise that the insect may be more successful at hurting me than I am at hurting it. So I beg it for forgiveness.

#4 I stalk people
Only joking! I'm not that crazy.

No comments:

Post a Comment