Friday, May 15, 2009

Guest Blogger: Lucy

Today, I have a guest blogger, my amazing friend Lucy, who wanted to share with you our experience last night. See, without further ado, I shall hand this blog over to the capable Lucy.

A night of superficiality

My pet hate has always been being crammed into a small space with too many people, finding it difficult to breathe and not being able to hear yourself think. Well, I’m proud to announce that (since last night) I am now able to give this scenario a well (and almost too well) deserved name: ‘The Mix’. Yes - clubbing.

I never thought for one moment that I would ever come to like this activity and I have to say I was absolutely right. Bloody awful it was. I’m glad I know myself well enough to have realised that in advance, shame it doesn’t work for future life plans.

Actually to be fair I must congratulate Stephen, Natasha and Nicky for putting up with my classic ‘English moan’ at the beginning, they really are long suffering friends putting up with my constant complaints on modern day society.
I’m not going to bore you with little details that would force me to relive the occasion as I’m sure you can picture the scene, but here are just a few memory joggers : Crazy strobe, flashing lights, lots of overheating, sweaty, horny people giving each other lip massages, no room to move thanks to said oversexed bunch who find it difficult to keep their hands off of other peoples bottoms whilst sucking their partners lips, toungues, ears etc.

Apart from that I had a really enjoyable night out, when looking at the floor and trying desperately to block out unwanted images whilst avoiding ‘pick up glares’.

I’m a miserable sod aren’t I ? I’m honestly quite a positive, happy person to be around, just not when clubbing, even then, after I’d managed to block out the worst bits, I danced for 3 hours… and almost managed a smile… just ask Stephen.

Lucy’s clubbing rules :
1. Don’t go
2. Failing this, take Stephen (who often refuses thereby offering the perfect excuse)
3. If he accepts stay next to Stephen all night and try to pretend you can have a conversation
4. Dance crazily to warn off scary, horny men
5. Failing this wrap arms round Stephen and deaftly switch places with him
6. This always works as said men all found Stephen strangely alluring
7. Failing this go with the flow and drink copious amounts of alcohol, or slip the odd pill; this will turn the whole sweaty event into some kind of forgettable trance which will need to be repeated… watch your bank balance plummet

PS- I totally understand Stephen if you don’t publish this.

And back over to me...

In reference to number 6: yes, several gay men did make advances. Some were more physical than others (I won't give any details). It was quite disconcerting when I saw a guy looking over at our group, and thinking that he was eyeing up Nicky, Natasha or Lucy, (because that's perfectly fine!) and then to see him later being intimate with another guy and realising it was me he was looking at. Oh well.


  1. That is the best blog you have ever had on your thing Stephen

  2. I wholeheartedly agree with Clara, the very best entry.

  3. We want more Lucy!

  4. Fantastic blog Lucy!

  5. Awww thanks to all my fans, I do apologise for the spelling error, but I wasn't the proof reader, that was Stephen - very poor job Stephen

  6. Yeah get a dictionary Stephen!

  7. Stephen didn't pick up a spelling mistake :o
    Always had my incline about gay men and you Stephen :p.

  8. I think this entry was a bit pretentious. Guest blogger? Who are you? Michael Parkinson?